“Even the darkest night will end and the sun will rise.”
— Victor Hugo, Les Misérables
I look back at my first year of sixth form as the worst year of my (admittedly pretty-short-thus-far) life. However, it’s also the year that marked a turning point for me and my mental health. It was the year that I completely broke down – but this also began the process of putting myself back together again.
At school, I started skipping lessons when my anxiety or depression was particularly bad. Every hour sat in a classroom, feeling alone and broken and miserable, felt like torture – and sometimes, I just couldn’t bear it. But, unsurprisingly, I couldn’t get away with that forever.
In January 2012, a teacher confronted me about it. When asked why I’d been skipping classes, I just couldn’t hide it anymore. I completely broke down.
The relief that I felt when that teacher told me that she understood, and that she’d been there too, was indescribable. She held my hand as I cried and promised me I was going to get better.
I couldn’t even bring myself to nod back then, because I still didn’t believe that this was possible... But she was right. Things were going to get better.
She told me about the free counselling service that the school offered, and said she wanted me to start there next week. And, believe it or not, I actually found myself agreeing. (One of my social anxiety traits is that I’m very bad at arguing – which I guess came in handy in this instance.)
Now that the school knew what was going on, I felt obligated to tell my parents. But I was scared. I didn’t want them to worry. But it felt wrong not to tell them now that the secret was out.
And so, that Friday night, rather than do it face-to-face, I wrote them a letter. I stayed up waiting until they went to bed, and then left it outside their door. The next morning, after they’d read it, they called me into their room.
I sat with them on the bed and we hugged and we cried and we talked. We talked and talked for hours. And hours and hours and hours.
That month really was the start of a new chapter in my life. I began counselling at school and booked an appointment with my local GP. They referred me to a mental health clinic for young people, where my psychiatrist prescribed me anti-depressants. By April 2012, I was (finally) fighting off my illnesses with the help of talking therapy and medication.
I started with a more general type of counselling at school, and then switched to therapy through my local mental health clinic. There, we focussed more on CBT, which I (personally) found to be more helpful for my anxiety.
I think with therapy, you almost have to treat it like a relationship. If you’re going to be in it for the long-haul, you have to be a bit fussy. After all, your relationship with your therapist (and the therapy they provide) will be incredibly significant to the rest of your life. You want to make sure that you’re compatible.
Just like with a potential partner, different therapies and/or therapists will suit different people. Everyone is looking for something different. Think of it like Tinder for therapists: if somebody isn’t giving you what you want, swipe left – but don’t give up. You’ll eventually find someone you want to swipe right on… and in the end, it’ll be worth the graft.
I, of course, swiped left on counselling. After learning more about it, I found that it wasn’t for me. But it could be the right match for you:
Counselling
As the NHS explain on their website, counselling is a therapy that encourages people to “talk about their problems and feelings”. If counselling were a romantic partner, they’d be the kind who likes to talk to you about your day and ask you how you’re feeling. Your counsellor is “trained to listen with empathy”, and should work to help you think through negative thoughts and feelings and figure out ways to deal with them.
Rather than giving their own advice, counsellors will usually guide you to consider and come up with your own solutions. Though they will contribute to your sessions, a counsellor’s job is more focussed on exploring what’s inside you.
Of course, if you’re going to try out counselling, it’s important to remember that talking about negative feelings can be hard at first. It’s not unusual to find that you don’t feel better straight away.
However, if you’re willing to commit, you should find that things start to improve. If not, perhaps counselling isn’t for you. But that’s okay – there are plenty more therapies in the sea.
After I chose to part ways with counselling, I gave CBT a try – and we seemed to be a much better fit.
Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT)
CBT is most commonly used to treat anxiety and depression, but it can also help to aid the treatment of other mental disorders. As I touched on in Saturday’s blog post, the main aim of this therapy is to tackle unhealthy thoughts and behavioural patterns. If CBT were a date, they’d be the type who wants to help you work through your problems and achieve your goals.
First, you talk with your therapist about any difficulties that you're currently dealing with. They should then help you to break these down into smaller parts and figure out more positive ways to deal with them.
You'll also set goals to practice these new approaches outside of therapy, and will discuss how you found this during your next session. The idea is to help you break bad habits (for example, anxious thoughts) and replace them with healthier ones. Once you've found ways to do this, you should be able to take these positive behaviours and continue them throughout the rest of your life.
Psychotherapy
If psychotherapy were a potential partner, they’d be the kind who loves to get to know everything about your background and history. This could feel a bit full-on for a first date, but you might eventually find that it helps to talk about your past experiences.
The NHS explains that psychotherapy “involves talking more about how your past influences what happens in the present”. It aims to “help you understand more about yourself, improve your relationships and get more out of life”.
Like in counselling, your therapist will encourage you to talk through whatever problems you’re dealing with in depth. The therapy also prompts you to explore how you think and feel about yourself and those close to you. One of the therapist’s main goals is to help you get to the route of your problem – and, unlike with counselling, they might also suggest their own solutions. As the NHS explains, some therapists will “teach specific skills to help you tolerate painful emotions, manage relationships more effectively, or improve behaviour” – but they may also encourage you to come up with your own ideas.
On the whole, psychotherapy can take up more time than other therapies, so it’s up to you to decide whether you’re willing to commit.
These are the three most popular kinds of individualised talking therapies, but some people might find that they’re better suited to group therapy. There are also many other different therapies that fall under these three categories, and you may find that some borrow elements from others. For example, in both CBT and counselling, I was introduced to mindfulness techniques that are taught in Mindfulness-Based Cognitive Therapy (MBCT). I was encouraged to start focussing on my breathing if I ever felt anxious or panicky, and to adopt mindfulness-based ‘breathing techniques’.
Another important element of taking on any therapy is a willingness to commit. Again, just like with a relationship, you have to be willing to put the time and effort in if you want to get the most out of it.
Recovery is, without a doubt, a work in progress. That being said, the results are absolutely worth it.
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