When I first introduced myself on this blog in 2015, I was a 19-year-old Creative Writing student from South Wales.
I’m now a 26-year-old Creative Writing graduate from South Wales – and a few other things have changed, as well.
Shortly after graduating in 2017, I posted about my scoliosis. That same month, I had scoliosis surgery, and was left with debilitating chronic pain in the lower left side of my body, chronic tachycardia, a heart murmur, respiratory issues, and dramatically fluctuating blood pressure.
I slowly but surely came to the realisation that I was never going to make a full 'recovery', and mentally grappled with labelling myself as 'disabled'. There are times when it feels like my health completely defines me, but of course there’s a lot more to me than my diagnoses.
I’m still as obsessed with cats (particularly my own) as I was when I was 19. I’ve not put down the eyeliner, either – no matter how much Gen-Z insists that it’s not trendy anymore. I’m still a massive daydreamer, and I still fall head-over-heels in love with fictional characters (see: Robin Buckley and Maeve Wiley). My habit of binge-watching YouTube videos hasn’t continued, but it has been replaced by an avid love of podcasts.
I wish I could say that life post-university has been really exciting, but I don’t have anything too major to report. I’ve made friends and lost friends. I’ve wondered whether I’m aromantic, had my first love, subsequently realised that I’m not aromantic, and had my first heartbreak. I’ve celebrated getting promotions and cried over making mistakes. I’ve seen four more therapists and four more physiotherapists (and I think I’m finally getting somewhere?). I’ve fallen in love with my queerness and come out to my family. I’ve experienced some very high highs and lived through some really low lows.
In the last five years, I’ve had more medical appointments, seen more health professionals and trialled more medications than I can count. Because of my health, writing and other hobbies became less of a priority – but I’d like to change that this year. I’ve been working in social media and communications since my surgery, and the switch to home-working has been hugely beneficial. I’m still living with my parents for now, while I try to figure out how the hell to balance chronic illness with independence.
In all honesty, life since graduation hasn’t gone how I expected. And although I’m writing this post to (re-)introduce myself, I think, ultimately, I’m still figuring out who I am.
