Witnessing or Experiencing Sexual Assault: What You Can Do

In Season 2 of Sex Education, we see Aimee Gibbs trying to recover from the trauma of a sexual assault that she experienced on the bus to school one morning. It’s an issue that’s all too common, and yet it’s not spoken about nearly enough. So, to tie in with my blog post bout Aimee’s story, this post will cover what you can do if you are a victim or witness of either sexual harassment, or sexual assault.

If you experience sexual harassment or assault

1. Don’t EVER blame yourself. No matter what the circumstances, it’s never your fault.

2. Find somewhere safe. Get to a safe place and call someone you trust if you need to.

3. Don’t feel that you have to minimise your feelings or experience. If you’re upset, angry or traumatised, allow yourself to be. Sexual harassment and assault might be a common occurrence, but that doesn’t make it acceptable. You have every right to feel affected.

4. Find a healthy outlet to process your feelings. If you’re struggling to cope, you could try journaling about how you feel, or finding another healthy outlet such as exercise, poetry, sport or song-writing. Aimee found relief from smashing up objects at the local junkyard with her friends.

5. Talk about it with someone you trust. If you feel comfortable, reach out to someone. This could be face-to-face, or, if you find it easier, you could initiate the conversation via message.

6. Talk about it anonymously. If you’d prefer to talk about your experience anonymously, there are several hotlines and other online resources available here. (Most offer services for all gender identities.)

7. Consider your medical options. It’s important to get medical attention if you’re hurt, or at risk of contracting an STI or getting pregnant. Depending on the type of assault that you’ve experienced, you may also be able to provide and store physical evidence that could be used to convict your attacker. You can read more about this process here. A medical professional will never report the incident without your consent.

8. Consider your legal options. Sexual harassment and assault are illegal in the UK. You can report the incident to the police, or click the links to find out more about your options. If you want to report it, try to remember as many details about the event as you can (the time, the place, a description of the attacker) – but don’t beat yourself up if you’re struggling. What’s most important is that you feel as comfortable as possible. Remember that you can withdraw from the process at any time.

9. Work through your anxiety. If, after the incident, you find your anxiety affecting your daily routine, try to ease back into it gently and break things down into smaller, easier steps. For example, Aimee’s friends helped her to face her fear of catching the bus by getting it with her for support.

10. Get support if necessary. If you feel like you need help dealing with the aftermath, you can see a therapist privately, or ask to be referred to free counselling through the NHS. Most therapists will have experience dealing with trauma, and you can even find counsellors who deal with it specifically. You may also find medication helpful if the event has triggered anxiety, depression or PTSD.

11. Don’t ever feel pressured to do anything that you don’t want to do. You may have felt that you lost all power during the incident, but what you do (or don’t do) after is completely in your power. You don’t have to do anything that makes you too uncomfortable.

If you witness sexual harassment or assault

1. If the situation seems dangerous, contact the police immediately

2. Report it. If possible, report it to a nearby authority like a bouncer, security guard or staff member.

3. Safely put a stop to it. If the victim is your friend, try to create a distraction for the perpetrator, or help to remove your friend from the situation if you’re able.

4. Accompany the victim. If the victim is a stranger, consider whether it’s possible for you to join them, so that they feel less vulnerable and alone. Perhaps pretend that you know them to deter the perpetrator. (This is something I’ve done myself in the past.)

5. Remove the victim from the situation. If you think it’s safe, try to remove the victim from the situation and accompany them to a safe space. Offer help, reassurance and comfort, and try to stay with them until they feel safe.

6. Check up on the victim. Some forms of harassment or assault are over very quickly, whereas some may go on for longer. If it’s not possible to safely intervene while it’s happening, keep an eye on the situation until it’s over (you may need to call the police if it escalates). When the victim is free and away from the perpetrator, check on them to see if they’re okay. Again: offer help, reassurance and comfort, and try to stay with them until they feel safe.

7. Record details of the incident (either mentally or on your phone). If you’re unable to intervene, try to remember as many details of the incident as possible (or even capture them on video if it’s safe). If you’re able to ask the victim whether they’d like to report the assault afterwards, you could offer to be a witness, or to send them the footage as evidence. However, always keep any footage strictly between you and the victim.

8. Call a cab for the victim if necessary, during or after the attack
9. Show zero tolerance towards this behaviour from your mates. Intervene and let them know that their behaviour is completely unacceptable. If this behaviour is ever going to stop, we need lads (and ladies) to discourage each other from ever engaging in it. Not only is it wrong, but it’s illegal. Don’t be complicit.

If you’ve been affected by sexual assault and need support, click here.